I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
