I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
