Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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