so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You were trust falling into bushes
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize