We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and she was petting her beer can
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
