so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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