My liver just broke up with me...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
