Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize