it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
