Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
