there's paper in my vomit.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
