I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
