Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize