three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
