He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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