Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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