so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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