Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
two words: eviction party
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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