Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
