im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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