So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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