I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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