I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
