I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
