Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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