Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
