I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
