I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
