My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i think my cat just said my name.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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