I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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