grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
