Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
