Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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