i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
