A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
