I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When are your genitals available?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
