So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
