Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
