But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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