He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
