I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
