I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
