There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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