Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
