Please, let me fuck your mom
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
