he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
