break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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