I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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