so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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