did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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