Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
