Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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