the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
