I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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