After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
