he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
