I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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