Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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