Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
