I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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