I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
