It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
