Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
