I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
