how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
