So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize