So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
