No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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