it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
