She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
