I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
we're so committed to being not committed
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