I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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