i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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