I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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