I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
