please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
