I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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