babies were throwing up all over the place
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
