i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
