this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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