No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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