The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
