my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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