i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
