Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
