He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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