corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
