i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
