Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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