You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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