my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
