Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
