You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
