Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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