Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
