At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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