no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
