She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize