porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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