Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How does one acquire holy water?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Never joke about your clitoris.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
