32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
