also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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