She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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