I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize