I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
