i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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