Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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