In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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