I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
