So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
