part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
