He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
