just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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