i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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