hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize