i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
