Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
